The Greatest Journeys…

The end of the last millennium shuffled in many new things before it quietly came to a close. Perhaps the least known and, indeed, the least important of which was the discovery of “Llama Llogic”. In 1999, Llama Llogic was introduced to the world by a man who traversed the wilds of Peru and became fascinated by these benign beasts. “I bet all they do is sit around and think up shit,” he said, trying for days to decipher their various grunts. But alas, he could not tap into the great wit of the llama and promptly gave up.

But alas again, fate would intervene later that very same day, as the man was exploring the mountain city of Machu Picchu. Having hiked the treacherous footpath to the summit, he was admiring the world wonder when he slipped on some loose pebbles. He hit his head and drifted into unconsciousness. When he awoke, standing above him was a llama, who slowly picked up his woolly head, sighed and said, “The greatest journeys can often end in disappointment.”

So was born Llama Llogic, a branch of philosophy based on the observations of this man’s llama pals who sit around all day and think up shit. Here is an example of some of that shit:

Most drivers do drive on a parkway, and will park on a driveway, and may even have to go slow during rush hour, but having to predict when any single driver will actually use or not use their fucking blinker often defies the llama mind.

As you can tell, Llama Llogic does a pretty good job of defining what things defy it, and in actuality this is all it ever does, which makes Llama Llogic the most frustrating branch of philosophy. The llama seeks to discover many of the world’s great mysteries, but never really explains them. They focus on “The Question” rather than the myriad of answers. A wise old llama once said, “We may be lazy, but we are practical. We may be befuddled, yet we are enlightened. This will be our mark on history!”

Thus Llama Llogic is really the “Anti-Logic”. It is often called the “Don’t Ask Why Logic” or the “Try Not To Think Too Hard Logic” or the “Who Really Wants to Understand Reality Since Everything Takes Place In Our Minds Not In the World… Uh Logic.” At it’s root there is more indifference than inference. Now most people will look at the llama and think “jackass”. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a good reason they look like the way they do, all austere and homely. Maybe they’ve learned many of life’s questions, yet are unburdened by the answers. Maybe their brains are half-numb from all this shit, as they stand there, staring in the distance, chewing their cud.

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