The old definition of a flart was more or less: Having an incredible thought and then totally forgetting what it was when something trivial like a Mickey Mouse commercial distracts you.

I’m going to go ahead and expand that to: any strange happenstance that merges pure genius with pure buffoonery.

Here’s a collection of flarts and my thoughts on them. Be warned that even though thinking hard about a flart can sometimes give you great insight into the world, it can also drive you mad.

Let’s start off simple (and by “simple” I mean “I think it’s so darn hard since I don’t know if it’s meaningless or not, but if it is meaningless, it’s pretty simple”).

“Synonyms and antonyms are antonyms.” I’m sorry, but my brain just exploded.

Let’s continue.

“Stupid is as stupid does.” This phrase is stupid yet brilliant ā€“ what we call a prime flart. If no one told me what this meant, my head would again explode just trying to decipher what it means ā€“ that’s the stupid part. The brilliant part is in the actual meaning: even an intelligent person can be stupid when they do stupid things. Ohh, I get it… just don’t try to think too hard about the phrase itself.

You know, even Master Yoda can turn out a good flart.

“Do or do not. There is no try.” Very insightful… I think. Wait. What the heck is he talking about? “Do or do not”… OK. “There is no try”… then how did you get to the “do” or the “do not” without the trying part. Is there some sort of Jedi wormhole where fate flips a coin and they end up at “do” or “do not” without the whole journey of getting to “do” or “do not”. There must be a try, even a little try, in there. No wormhole. I think I’m just rambling now…

Must continue tomorrow… getting sleepy.

Back… Many times a flart comes from the most unlikely sources.

“What if C-A-T really spelled dog?” A simple statement of idiocy. Perhaps. Or just maybe a great insight into our reality. Did Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds Part II hit on a profound concept here? Can the entire universe continue to exist or would it be thrown into infinite chaos when something we know to be true is suddenly false? Mind-boggling. Ogre deserves a Noble Prize… or at least a beer.

Speaking of beer… and movies… and unlikely sources… and probably infinite chaos, there’s an intriguing flart in The Simpsons Movie. I won’t spoil it for anyone that hasn’t seen it, but you’ll definitely recognize it when Homer, the same man who earlier in the movie names his pig Harry Plopper, makes an incredible revelation about life. Groovy.

I’ll leave you with this:


Don’t try to solve it. And it doesn’t mean anything either. Just something to think about.

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