Clothes Minded

Lately I’ve been updating my wardrobe. And I think I’ve made some good decisions (we won’t count the shorts with the parrot on the back) and even donated most of my old clothes (5 whole bags worth!). Somewhere in North Carolina (or the Congo for all I know), there’s going to be a child with a “Disco Still Sucks” t-shirt or a red foofy “Dirtbag” shirt. It brings a tear to my eye.

During my rebellious phase (i.e. high school), I was a clothing disaster. I would rock some goofy board shorts and a “Rigor Mortis” t-shirt. But if I had to dress up, well, it got no better: some Dockers and an orange “Pepe Jeans” shirt. To make it worse, I would occasionally mix in some hip stuff like J. Crew. Yes, I was the shit.

By the time college came around, I had pretty much had enough of looking like a clown. I wouldn’t say my style exactly developed any great deal… I still had the fashion sense of an Iowa cornhusker… but I started wearing clothes that actually matched. They were sort of generic, though. We’re talking shirts with big sailboats on them (I loved those big sailboat shirts) and some Levi jeans. At least I looked normal, I think.

Recently, I started actually caring about the way I dress. I used to hate clothes shopping. Now I sort of like trying on clothes… like the completely straight, heterosexual man I am! No more sailboat shirts. Yes, some foofy designer stuff and, yes, they do make plus sizes thank you very much. Last week I bought a pair of Tasso Elba jeans on sale. Not because they sound good enough to grace Lone Ranger’s ass checks, but because they fit pretty good.

Don’t get me wrong! I’ll can still rock the plain old Dockers. Now I just accessorize with a nice black cotton belt (again, not gay). And about the parrot shorts… it’s just a white sketch of a parrot, no full plumage. Besides, I have this “Baja Living the Good Life” t-shirt to go along with it.

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